


Memories Lead Me Back to You

by napkins



Category: Captain Marvel (2019)
Genre: F/F, Post-Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/napkins/pseuds/napkins
Summary: Carol is entirely sure there's something she's missing about the relationship between herself and Maria; there's nothing left to do but act.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau
Comments: 9
Kudos: 85
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Memories Lead Me Back to You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Combination_NC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Combination_NC/gifts).



The memories came irregularly.

Sometimes they’d come back all at once, a great rush of scenes and scattered emotions Carol would have to pick through and sort out which feelings went with what scene. Others would be sparked by something happened, a phrase someone said. Others still were like bringing a candle to a dark corner of the room and finally being able to see the shape of the shadow that loomed over everything.

Most of the ones involving Maria were like that. 

Each one felt less like remembering and more like sinking into a warm bath, all of her muscles relaxing back into place after being twisted out of it for so long.

They felt like coming home.

The first was when she sunk onto the couch one night after dinner, passing Maria a glass of iced tea and Monica a pop as she clicked on the television. Just a normal, uneventful night for once. Sitting down, she had the oddest feeling she should have scooted closer to Maria, slung her arm over her shoulder as she settled in and shifted up to sit fully on the couch. Maria’s retort even echoed in her ears: “get your shoes off the couch - were you raised in a barn?” Even as she felt the phantom sensation of her shoes being pulled off and feet being tucked under Maria’s thighs.

She blinked, and it was just Maria looking at her oddly, trying to pry the glass of tea from Carol’s tightly gripped fingers. “You okay there?”

“Yeah. Just…,” she waved her hand vaguely in front of her. “Memories.”

Maria nodded, slowly, her eyes never leaving Carol’s face, almost as if she were searching for something. As she sat down, Carol almost wished she were still wearing her shoes to attempt to recreate the memory. 

As it was, she settled for shifting slightly closer to Maria. It was normal to sit close to her best friend, her only family left, right?

The memories came back like that, randomly. Always with Maria, though. When they were doing dishes, or working on Maria’s plane, or bent over the dining table as Carol got Maria’s opinion on some plan or other. The overlap became only jarring for how much Carol wanted it to be still real, wanted that closeness to still be within reach. There seemed to be some canyon between her and Maria, some memory she hadn’t uncovered yet that had Maria holding her at arm’s reach. The Kree had altered her memories so much - how did she know these were true memories and not some combination of her own desires and Kree manipulation to reframe truth into something else? What was she missing?

Maybe Maria just needed time. Time to let things settle down into the new normal. Your best friend coming back from the dead after six years with alien powers wasn’t exactly normal, after all. She was owed a few long, strange looks. 

Then the memories started to...expand. Memories she thought she already knew expanded, what she thought was the end was only the beginning.

Maria was a lot closer in all of these. 

They’d always been closer in the past, the photographs even proved that, but these were memories of lingering touches, of long, slow moments leaning against each other on the porch watching the sunset.

Carol swallowed after one, her situation almost identical to the memory she’d just unearthed, aside from the foot of distance between her and Maria. 

“Hmm?” Maria tilted her head towards Carol, the setting sun burnishing her skin and making it glow, dazzling Carol with the strength underneath.

She wanted to shift closer, to see how Maria would react, to see if that memory could still play out over and over again with everything changed. But she didn’t have all the answers yet, and while Maria had answered every question she’d asked so far, for this, Carol knew that Maria deserved a whole person, not just the shadow of the friend she’d lost. 

“Nothing. Just admiring the colors.” One of the oak leaves was kind enough to fall at that moment, landing perfectly on Maria’s head, and while both of them knew it would fall off in a moment, it gave Carol the perfect cover to brush it off, following the curve of Maria’s skull as she did. 

It was a test, but Maria gave her nothing. She sat there, not moving into or away from Carol’s hand at the back of her hand, simply watching Carol until eventually Carol knew it had been too long and let her hand fall fully. 

“Carol.” Her name on Maria’s lips wasn’t a question but an opening, and while maybe Carol didn’t have all of the pieces yet, it was time to swallow her fear and do what she did best.

Just do it anyway.

“Maria.” All or nothing, this was it. And, if she was totally off-base, well, if she’d done this before, then in the end everything seemed to have turned out okay the first time. There were worse things she could do than kiss Maria Rambeau and only end up her best friend.

Maria’s lips against hers were full and soft, but still. Carol’s heart rose to her throat - she had misstepped after all - but as she started to pull back, a hand against her wrist stopped her from pulling away entirely.

At first glance, the look in Maria’s eyes was assessing, sharp and analytical, but behind that, Carol thought she saw something more. There was hope there.

“Now, can you tell me why just you did that?” Far from being accusatory, Maria sounded hesitant, careful even.

“Because I wanted to?” The half-answer was automatic, and Carol almost started to grin to lighten the mood, but saw Maria’s face and sighed.

“I don’t remember everything, but there’s this feeling in the back of my head like every time I’m near you I should be closer. I don’t know - maybe whatever the Kree did to me mixed up more memories than they should, but everything feels half-complete right now, and it’s making me go crazy.

“So please, just tell me one way or another, what were we? Are we? Can we still be? If we weren’t can we start over? It’s unfair to ask you between everything that’s already going on - it’s even an worse timeline than getting deployed, even further out, but I have to know. Please, Maria.”

For a heart-stopping moment, Maria simply looked at her, then her hand tightened on Carol’s, pulling her back in to kiss her, much more soundly and thoroughly than Carol had kissed her, her mouth opening in a move of fearlessness and homecoming that sang throughout Carol’s blood and warmed her far more than her powers ever had.

“So…?” She laughed through the end of drawing out the question, the smile splitting her face entirely ruining any chance of trying to remain serious.

Deservedly, Maria punched her shoulder. “ _That’s_ for the past month, of having to second guess myself or question your every move, whether or not you remembered, or whether or not you wanted to try to meet someone out in space instead. Jerk.” But she was laughing too, smiling and resting her forehead against Carol’s, and Carol felt another piece slot into place in her heart.

“There’s no one else for me but you - you brought me back to Earth in more ways than one, and even if I’d forgotten, I feel like I would’ve fallen in love with you all over again.” She shifted to kiss Maria again then simply rested their heads together, basking in the sun and Maria’s love, the both of them limned in brightness and possibility.


End file.
